Confused.. as always
I can’t believe this. Just as I make up my mind that I am not going to count the cost, that I give everything to God, and I don’t care what it costs me, I get offered an incredible, INCREDIBLE job, which is like everything I ever wanted. I feel so special, so privileged, so wanted.
And I so have to turn it down… Staying in the UK is still an option for me I know. But if I do that, then I will have to give up my dreams. I know that I could stay in this job for just a year or two years, but in truth I know that I will get settled into the job and it will be the hardest thing in the world to give it all up again. If I am going to do this Humanitarian work, NOW is the time, now is the place. I have spent so many years running from my promises to God and it is now time to stand up and be counted.
But I can’t help wondering sometimes, what if I have it all wrong? What if God has put me in the place and this time to make a lot of money and use it for him?
But no – remembering how God feels about those who are rich:
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God.
Or
If you want to follow me, sell everything you have and give it all to the poor, then you can follow me.
Or
What profits a man to gain a fortune, but to lose his soul.
In truth I am tired of working in the telecoms industry. I want to do something worthwhile, although the job does interest me on a purely mental (and financial) level Everything I’ve ever wanted for my career…. But at the wrong time. Do you think I’ve been offered this to test me?
What to do, what to do.
On another note, I had my last French lesson today. At the end of the class my tutor called me out of the room and told me that I was the best student she has ever had – and that I must make sure that I continue lessons as I am really good. Find it really hard to believe as I haven’t done any of my homework and I’m finding it really hard to remember anything. It’s very flattering though.
I also got a confirmation from the University of Coventry today telling me that they have received my application to go there, and that I will hear if I have been accepted soon. Scarey! Before I know it I could have all of these offers, and I will be scratching my head as to which one I should be accepting.
Job with MSF
Highly paid career move with Accenture
University Degree with Coventry.
I don’t want to live in the UK any more – I guess that almost scraps the last two!
Father God, please please tell me what your will for me is. I am so ready, and so willing to be your hands on earth. I can only move in the path that seems to me to be the most Godly, and pray that you will shut any door that is not of you. (Now I’m wondering about the door that opened for me today…. What does that mean?) Please confirm for me if there is something specific that you want me to do.
I’m trying to hard not to count the cost, but the costs this year have been so high, and they are really starting to mount up. Are you testing me Lord?
