The Sphere Effect

Michael wrote this update a couple of days ago when Heidi was in a very bad way. Two days on and things are brighter - however, we remain cautious as her condition changes from hour to hour, minute to minute. Today, on paper, they are happy with her progress.

No response is necessary or expected.

With love …..

Dear Friends, Friday 15th June 2007

Up to now all the emails that have been passed to our friends around the world have been composed (at great personal cost) by my wife Ronny or by my daughter Kellie. It is now my turn to try and reflect for you what has been going on for me (and for us from my perspective) in these last few days while our beloved daughter Heidi has been fighting for her life.

At the moment it is 5.30am which is the sort of time when I am usually awake and praying (and there is no-one else on the computer so that I can fumble away without making anyone else impatient).

Life seems to have commenced again for me 9 days ago on Wednesday the 6th June (my late mother’s birthday) when in the early hours of the morning we received the call from Joburg which made us realize our younger daughter was critically ill and that we must get to her as soon as possible. That became Ground Zero (or Day 1) for me (it is now Day 9).

From that point onwards all of us have been on an emotional rollercoaster oscillating between despair and hope. We now know that at times Heidi has been (probably several times) – and may still be in the near future - within hours or less of dying and that only a series of miracles have saved her. We have experienced what it is to be absolutely helpless in the face of imminent disaster and to know the complete terror that goes with that. We also know that unless some amazing further miracle intervenes our girl is facing a difficult future with severe physical damage. We have seen her struggling for breath, her arms flailing, her eyes rolling in her severely jaundiced face while the machines sound their mournful bells and we have seen the staff come running as we retreat in panic to get out of their way. I have stood behind a blue curtain entirely focused on the bottoms of the trousers of the doctor and nurse on the other side doing whatever these professionals do.

I have sat opposite Ronny at a café table over lunch neither of us speaking because we each knew exactly what the other was thinking - none of it good. That has been the horror of our experience.

But there has also been another, almost unfathomable side, running with this in harmony with it – an experience of being held, loved, comforted and reassured by a host of angels. Never in our lives did we expect anything like this. To come to a foreign country, knowing no-one, and within hours to be contacted by people we have never even heard of with offers of practical love and support – accommodation (9 offers to date!), motor vehicles, food, hugs and friendship – has completely blown our minds. Outside the CCU we have met other people – like us battling their own anxieties – who have reached out to us to comfort and encourage us (one family even offered us accommodation!).

Then there has been what has become a world wide network of other angels, you messengers of the Most High, with your messages of love and concern from all around the world, thousands upon thousands of you, reaching out to us and up to Him on behalf of our precious daughter. There are the flooding emails (some bringing healing laughter) which Ronny and Kellie have been struggling to answer. There is the kindness (and encouraging faith) of the immensely professional doctors and the smiling support and occasionally wondrous faith of the nurses who attend Heidi around the clock.

Yesterday, at the end of an immensely exhausting day of weakness, pain, nausea and discomfort caused by her continuing transfusion/dialysis, I was on the late “shift” sitting beside Heidi. She was at last asleep, her face at peace, breathing smoothly, the numbers on the machine causing no concern and no bells ringing. She slept for about an hour while I prayed over her and then woke and was able to talk with me for over an hour without pain. Her face is set towards a productive future – a future full of service and love towards others. She is immensely grateful towards all of you and towards the Great God who continues to breathe life into her. When I left the hospital I felt great peace and a kind of joy.

I wrote to my dear friend and secretary Glenis a few days ago that our continuing experience is one of “Love and Fear”. I can tell you that from time to time I at least have experienced what it is for the Love to Drive Out the Fear.

The future is clouded in mystery. We live one day (sometimes one hour) at a time. We (and the whole Body of Christ – which has become for us a living, breathing reality) are in His Hands.
 

May the Lord Bless and Keep each one of you in His Hands for ever.

In Love,

Michael

 Dear friends at home and around the world

This will be short as I have now spent 2 hours on two separate occasions preparing a comprehensive update and just as I am about to close off, the whole message has disappeared from the screen…TWICE!  I am ready to throw a brick through this computer.

So – there is improvement in Heidi’s condition.  No plasma exchange or dialysis yesterday.  She sat in the garden with us for a short time but still needed oxygen and became very tired.  Her colour is returning and her body not so swollen.

She is lucid and talkative and planning her future, which for those of you who know her well, will understand are BIG, exciting and challenging plans.  She still has a very long way to go and new symptoms are appearing.  Doctors say she may be able to return to Oz in a week but we are cautious as things change so rapidly.  She had a fit the day before yesterday and this was a terrifying thing to witness.  Yesterday, they could not wake her.  Her oxygen levels are erratic and this is worrying.

There have been miracles and Heidi will have to tell you herself what has happened to her.  It is too personal for me to describe.

We are being spoilt beyond belief by the people in this amazing country.  We were taken to the Joburg Country Club yesterday for lunch.  It was a gorgeous place and we felt very posh.  The lady who has given us her car for the duration is Margaret Sunter and her husband Clem had a significant role to play in the ending of apartheid.  He worked alongside Nelson Mandela and Bishop Tutu and we are having dinner with them next Monday.  They are very keen for us to stay with them but we probably won’t as it is too hard to keep adjusting to new environments.,  Our hosts Janet and Tony have cared for us very carefully – given us our space and are just there when needed.  We are so very blessed.

MSF Switzerland call us every day and have offered to pay our expenses.  They are very kind and supportive and I think very shocked at what has happened to Heidi.

The prayers of (we believe thousands around the world) are being answered.  God is alive, He is listening and He is healing our girl.

Wish I had the energy to rewrite what I have lost but can’t manage another word.

With love and appreciation to all of you who hold us in your prayers.

God bless you

Ronny Michael and Kellie

Sadly, this has been our worst day so far and we have all been to hell and back.

Heidi is back on dialysis and has had two more blood transfusions today.  She had excruciating chest pains and thought she was having a heart attack.  She was vomiting again and only able to communicate with us in a very limited way.  She just lay in her bed like a limp doll with hardly enough energy to squeeze our hand.

We have been with her all day (mostly one at a time) and when her dialysis had finished tonight, a nurse came in to take more blood (Heidi has had around 17 of these and her arms are black with bruises and very painful).  I left her room while this took place and when I returned she was half sitting up in bed and asked, “So where’s the vampire gone?”  with a cheeky grin on her face.  I have spent most of my day close to, or in tears, and to hear her say this lifted my spirits no end.  She ate her whole dinner and when I waved her goodbye she blew me kisses.  I hate to think what MY blood pressure is!  Sadly, she will be back on plasma exchange again tomorrow.

Dr Su took as aside this morning and told us some hard truths.  We already knew this in our hearts, but he had never actually said until now how very close to death she has been.  If they had kept her in Addis one more day, she would not have survived. 

He said that we all must now PRAY FOR FULL HEALING OF HER KIDNEYS as they are extremely likely to be so damaged that she will have to have a transplant or continual dialysis.  If you have any energy left, could you please continue to pray specifically for this.  He said the sooner she returned home the better and was hopeful that this would be early next week.  She will be sent in an SOS MediVac jet.

We love and appreciate you all so very much…

Ronny, Michael and Kellie  xxxx

The first thing that everyone needs to know is that the wonderful prayers that you have been offering HAVE BEEN AND ARE BEING ANSWERED.  Although we have had our down days, the overall progress that Heidi is making is quite remarkable.  She has gone from a condition in which she was near death, to a position barely eight days later, where this morning she was moved to a private room with a view (still under the care of CCU with attending nurse who never leaves her).  She is again bright, talkative, smiling and planning the future. 

After a frighteningly difficult day yesterday when we were told to expect the worst, we went to the hospital with some anxiety, to be told by her treating physician that the doctors now have hopes of a complete recovery - which we had all, almost discounted.  THIS IS A MIRACLE  (and the doctors agree)!  We are exhausted and cautious but deeply thankful.

God bless you all.

Ronny, Michael and Kellie

PS  As you will probably be aware, these updates are going to a large number of people, most of whom have requested a very detailed account of her progress.  No doubt, some of you may prefer to have a shorter summary so please forgive us if you don’t want all this information.  I will write again in a couple/few days.

Hi everyone

I have received many messages from Heidi’s friends through her blog that ask me to explain how Heidi came to be in Johannesburg.  They have only received the last part of the story so far, so here (in brief) is what happened.

Some weeks ago, we beleive Heidi was infected by a bacteria (possibly Typhoid or ecoli) and suffered dysentery.  She became so ill, that she was flown to Addis Ababa Hospital but test results could not find exactly what caused this.  A colonoscopy showed that she had around 40 ulcers on her bowel and she was not improving.  Her condition became so serious that a chartered SOS MediVac jet was sent to fly her home via Johannesburg but things took a further turn for the worse during the flight as she became very anaemic (count of 7) and an ambulance was waiting to collect her and take her to the Milpark Hospital in Johannesburg. 

She was admitted to the Acute Care Unit in a critical condition.  She has been diagnosed with Haemolytic Uraemic Syndrome.  She received six daily plasma exchanges and is on dialysis daily because of renal failure, her lungs filled with fluid and had to be drained and has received several blood transfusions, is on a ventilator and is very jaundiced. 

She was quickly  transferred to the Coronary Care Unit as her condition deteriorated during the first night and it has been a long hard road back.  Her blood is however improving and when the doctors are happy with the blood and kidneys, they will endeavour to find out what damage has been done to her poor ravaged body.

Yesterday, she showed some improvement, was quite talkative and sat in an armchair in the garden for a short time - however, there is a very long way to go yet.  We are on that old roller coaster ride - at one stage two days ago, she was lucid and talking about the future with animation and energy and the next she had a fit which was the most terrifying thing to witness.  Yesterday, they could not wake her.  We never know what to expect next so when the doctors said they were much happier with her blood yesterday and took her off dialysis we were over the moon.  It is possible that she may be stable enough to fly home in a week but we are cautious as new symptoms are appearing.

Your love and support are essential to improving her chances of getting through this, so again our sincere thanks for the comforting messages you send.

Ronny, Michael and Kellie

Hi Everyone

   For anyone who knows my family, no Cockram journey is without adventure.
  I arrived at the airport Sunday night to discover no ticket waiting
for me.  After a bit of kerfufel, I was issued a new ticket with the
wrong date (somehow they couldn’t print out one for that evening) and
was escorted to the check-in - so it wasn’t so bad after all as I
managed to jump an enormous queue!  Katrina, Mary, Marianne and I
headed off to the Dome for a hot choc before I had to go through
customs.  THANK YOU girls for your company and friendship - and to all
the other lovely offers of lifts to the airport - I had so many I’ve lost count!!

   Once I got to Joburg, the plane couldn’t get up to the walkway
because something else was parked too close and had to be moved.  So we waited.
Then the plane moved up to the walkway.  And we waited.  Then the
announcement that the walkway was stuck.  So we waited some more.  Then
they wheeled over some steps and we got out the back door.  So I made it.

   To the boys (and girls) who went to the rugby on Saturday night, I
was jealous of you going, BUT had the pleasure of sharing my flight
with the team .  Yes, I walked off the plane in the middle of all the
boys and then waited at the baggage carousel with George (Gregan that
is).  I was regretting leaving my Wallabies jumper at home!  I would
have loved to see them play while I’m over here but the game is in
Capetown

   I was picked up at the airport and taken to where Mum and Dad are
staying, then we headed off to the hospital.  Heidi was looking pretty
good
- she was awake and quite lucid.  I had a guided tour of all the tubes
sticking out all over her, and all the machinery she is hooked up to. 
The doctors were happy with her and said she needed no dialysis or
plasma for the day.  They also got her out of bed for a while, which is
the first time since she came to the hospital.

   We visited again in the afternoon and left her looking a bit tired.

   This morning she said she hadn’t slept all night as there are alarms
and bells going off all over the ccu (coronary care unit).  The doctor
came to check on her and said she would need more dialysis today, which
is how we found her.  She was also a bit distressed as a couple of
things had gone wrong for her in the night and morning. There is no way
for her to get attention from the nurses as they are checking her
regularly and she is hooked up to so many alarms.  However, her nurse
was held up a couple of times with other patients and Heidi had no way of saying she needed help.
When you need to go to the toilet and have to wait, it can be quite
stressful.  Anyway, we spoke to the nurse and they have been very
attentive while we have been there.

   We had one scare this morning when Heidi’s lunch arrived.  We had
raised her bed so she could eat, but the change in pressure on the
tubes attached to the dialysis machine, as well as in her body, cause her to have a fit.
Mum, Dad and I had no idea what was happening, all we knew is that one
minute she was speaking to us, the next she stabbed blindly at her food
with her fork, lifted it and poked herself in the chin, then waved her
arms around and had her eyes looking in all different directions.  We
quickly called for help, everyone came running and we left the room. 
After an extremely long 5 minutes, they came to tell us what had
happened and that she was okay.  Needless to say, we were all very
shaky and upset - it doesn’t take much when you really don’t understand what is going on.

   It looks like she will be having dialysis one day, then plasma the
next, until the week is out.  She is making great gains - miraculous
ones actually, however, as we have been told many times, it really is 2
steps forward and 1 step back.  It is so good that we are all here
together, reminding each other of all the love surrounding us, the
prayers that are being answered on a daily basis, the incredible
network of friends and friends of friends who are supporting us, and
the amazing love of God who holds us daily in His gentle hands.

   Mum and Dad have gone back to the hospital this afternoon and I will
go this evening while they are out for dinner with some more amazing
Joburg people.  We read all your emails to Heidi to every day, so
please keep writing to us.  She especially loves hearing about the
little things happening in your lives - they bring rays of sunshine
into a room that has none.  Heidi is overwhelmed (as we all are) with
the number of people who know she is unwell and wish her all the best, and pray for her.

   This has been a pretty big update but I was making up for a day missed!

   Thank you Aunty Judy, for your jacket, and your company on Sunday. 
Mum and Heidi loved their cards, and Mum has been wearing your jacket
(she didn’t have one).

   Thank you to everyone at All Saints who wrote on Heidi’s big card -
she loved it!  Thank you too to those of you who were able to give
personal cards to me to take.

   Thank you to everyone at WACS for the beautiful flowers.  Heidi
cannot have them in the ccu so we enjoy them back at where we are
staying.  We will let you all know when she is in the regular ward and
able to receive more.

   Thank you to you all for your kindnesses to me before I left.  You
have touched my heart and I have had many teary moments thinking about them.
They are so many I cannot thank everyone individually here.

   May God bless you all.

   Much love
   Kellie

Dear Friends

I cannot sleep so thought I would write another update for the many many people who have asked for them.

Our daughter Kellie arrived safely in the early hours of yesterday morning and we headed off to the hospital.   We were surprised and excited when we arrived, to see Heidi half sitting up in bed without the ventilator on, hair washed (it had not been washed for 3 weeks ugh!) and smiling.  She was very pleased to see her sister and we had a lovely morning together, chatting, laughing and spoiling her in every way we could think of.

Her blood is improving and hopefully no more “plasma exchanges” needed, today’s blood test will tell.  Her kidneys are still not functioning properly and she will need four more units of blood today as her count is very low again.  Once the blood and kidneys are okay, then the doctors can start investigating what other damage has been done to her poor ravaged body. 

Dr Su and Dr Hapad have both said that it is truly a miracle that she has survived and Dr Su told her that only God could have intervened in this case as there was very little chance that science could have saved her.  Our prayers have been answered!  Thankyou, to the hundreds of people who have prayed for her constantly and continue to do so as she is a long way from being out of the woods yet and will be in Coronary Care Unit for at least another week and then, who knows.

A book could be written about this journey and it would take me pages to tell you of the amazing things that have transpired over the last couple of weeks. 

We continue to be amazed at the support we are receiving from strangers in this country.  Offers of accommodation, vehicles, dinners, touring, flowers, cards from people who see us visit every day, offers of MP3’s for Heidi, transport.  It floods in!  There are around 15 churches in Johannesburg that are praying for her. 

Must sign off now.

With love to you all

Ronny (Michael and Kellie)